Why I Love Living in Los Angeles, Exhibit A: Rare Exports

When one lives in Los Angeles, one gets to see movies like Rare Exports, the most amazing Finnish Christmas horror movie ever made. Seriously, put this movie on your netflix queue right now. It's goddamn incredible. The filmmakers take everything several steps further than you expect them to, and it works every time. I don't want to say anything else and ruin everything, but I will say I do hope you like CGI old man dicks, because Rare Exports has a bunch!

RARE EXPORTS!

LAXNESS! SLOTH!

Oh my goodness, you guys, I've seen so many movies in the past month but haven't reviewed any of them. I'll do that now!

Cinemarella's Best and Worst of 2010

I'm keeping it short and sweet this year.

WORST MOVIE OF 2010: LEAP YEAR
I fucking hated this movie. I went in with such high hopes, because the trailer looked so cute, and I love Matthew Goode and Amy Adams--but no. My hopes and dreams for this film were crushed and scattered, much like the movie theater popcorn that littered the theater's floor. Adams' character was so unlikable that you didn't want her to get EITHER of the guys, and if you can't root for one of the main characters in a rom-com, what the hell is the point? Ugh.

BEST MOVIE OF 2010: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
Yes, I'm picking an animated feature. But how can I not? So funny, with great dialogue and voice acting, a great all around story, plus the cutest dragon in all creation. Instant win! This is also the only movie this year that I actually purchased on DVD, which I think says something.

Happy 2011 everyone! Let's hope Hollywood gets it shit together the coming year.

The King's Speech

Not bad at all--Geoffrey Rush is fan-fucking-tastic. Colin Firth can do no wrong, of course, even when he's in an otherwise horrific film*. It felt kind of slow at parts, but there was enough humor spattered throughout to make it worthwhile.





*Don't let me kid you, I totally love What a Girl Wants...I can't help it!!

Tangled

This was cute. I didn't think the songs were the best, but the dialogue and story made up for it--funny and sweet. Zachary Levi and Mandy Moore both did a great job with the voice acting, and the animal sidekicks were hilarious.

TRON

Open disclaimer: I did not want to see this. I was convinced that I needed to (someone actually said to me, "How can YOU of all people, not want to see Tron?")

And so by the sheer force of peer pressure (everyone ELSE was going), I did. With that in mind, I can tell you that I did not hate this movie. Parts of it were cheesy, most of the dialogue was pretty bad, but the graphics were pretty and I liked the action. I'll leave it to Lady Blogpants to fill you in on the best/worst line in the whole damn thing.

ETA: I forgot to mention that my biggest complaint about this movie was that the young kid didn't look ANYTHING AT ALL like the adult actor he was supposed to have grown up to be. He had dark, curly hair and BROWN eyes, whereas the older guy had sandy hair and blue eyes. WTF CASTING DIRECTOR?

The Next Three oh who gives a shit

BOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I would feel vindicated for the 2 hours of my life wasted in this movie only if Russell "Chubby Face" Crowe and Elizabeth "Could I Be More Annoying" Banks pummeled each other to death MMA-style after the credits. This did not happen, so I remain angry.

Review of people going to watch the movie "Burlesque"

Here's the deal. When you are standing in line at the movie theater concession stand to purchase snacks, you can reasonably assume that at some point this transaction is going to require you to hand over money. So please tell me why, after standing in an interminably long line while the weakest link behind the counter tries to figure out how to put soda in a cup, you get up to the counter, spend 5 minutes putting in a somehow complicated order for coke and popcorn, and then have to spend an additional 5 minutes searching for your wallet. Did you think that your order would coincide with that long-anticipated moment in human history when everything would suddenly become free? Were you going to barter for it? Were you maybe just going to flash your boobies and then run away? I don't understand why you were caught so off-guard when Ear Spool Guy told you that you owed him money. "What? I owe you 9.75? Well, I never. Here, let me spend a really fucking annoying long time looking through my giant Mary Poppins purse looking for this alleged money that you so surprisingly asked for."

In conclusion, this story symbolizes everything that is wrong with America.

Rocky's commentary on the above situation: How do you know they were going to watch Burlesque?
Jen's response: How do you know I'm not going to punch you in the face?

Another Short Movie Review: Burlesque

I was promised that this movie would not be as bad as Glitter. This turned out to be an accurate assessment, but it also makes clear another issue, which is that "not as bad as Glitter" is not saying much.

Unstoppable

DENZEL WASHINGTON IS TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT! CHOOOO CHOOOOOOOO!