Kon Tiki

Kon Tiki was okay, but I had trouble sympathizing with Thor Heyerdahl because he looked and acted like an 80s movie villain. If there's one thing I know, it's that no one wants the bad guy from The Karate Kid to successfully prove a human migration theory. Plus the filmmakers added a lot of fake drama that I bet didn't actually happen, and left out important details (like, the crew was maintaining the raft all along, reinforcing lashing and what not, not just sitting there watching it fall apart, get your experimental archaeology right, DUHHHHHH). I recommend you watch the original documentary, which is amazing.

Skyfall

This movie was okay, but it was too long and needed a better edit. You know what audiences don't want to see? James Bond, his fake mom, and another old guy (who we've just been introduced to and are supposed to instantly care about) prepping a Scottish mansion to hold off a siege IN REAL TIME. "I say, old chap, have you any more AAA batteries for me to put in this lantern, for use during the siege?" "Certainly, my boy, they're in the third drawer down in the kitchen." "This one?" "No, no, to the left." "Oh okay. Now, are these AAAs or AAs?" "I believe I have both. They're all mixed up in that plastic bag, you'll have to sort through it." "Blimey." And then for all that prep work, when the bad guy comes in a helicopter and just blasts the shit out of the house, Bond is all OH SHIT A HELICOPTER? WE DIDN'T PREPARE FOR THAT! Worst secret agent ever.

You know what else audiences don't want to see? A bunch of shitty CGI effects, especially after they've seen a really good actual-person fight sequence or actual-car car chase. Take a look at that fucking komodo dragon in that casino scene. It's awful. Fuck you.

Argo

Argo is great! I highly recommend it. It's exciting, well-written, well-paced, tightly edited. Alan Arkin and John Goodman are especially entertaining, although I could have done without four of the six "Argo fuck yourself" jokes. Less is more, Ben Affleck. I also could've done without the father-son scene at the end with the exaggerated slow pan across the shelf. WE GET IT BEN AFFLECK, WE SAW IT IN THE WIDE SHOT. But aside from those nitpicks, this was really a good movie.

AN ADDITIONAL VERY PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS

You guys. Let's talk about Taken. That movie is completely amazing. So yes, we were all very excited about Taken 2, and got tickets to see it in the Cinerama Dome at 10 AM so we'd be sure to get good seats. It was not very good, but it did not disappoint! There is something to be said for a movie meeting your precise expectations.

The bad guys in Taken 2 are the most incompetent bad guys ever in a movie. They instantly fall asleep on watch, get distracted by sports on the teevee, and collapse in a senseless heap when 90-year-old Liam Neeson karate chops them on the arm. It's great.

The one thing I really wanted to see but didn't (maybe in Taken 3???) is Liam getting together with all his old Hawaiian shirt-wearing, steak-barbecuing retired spy buddies and going on an adventure. The scenes with those guys are seriously the best.

Taken 2: why not?

Pitch Perfect

I have an embarrassing confession to make. In the august year of 1992, I arrived at college to find a vast and mysterious a cappella subculture. It was completely absurd how many a cappella groups there were at Stanford at that time. I have no idea if the early 90s were a peak time for a cappella, or if it's still like that--jeez, it's probably even WORSE now, because of Glee--but it was absolutely ridiculous. I never stopped making fun of a cappella groups, but I also was a fan, because sometimes harmonizing is empirically rad.

So anyway, Pitch Perfect is about a cappella groups. And parts of it are awful, and parts of it are great, so it falls into that middle ground where it isn't so-bad-it's-good OR so-good-it's-good. It's just kind of okay. And I have had it with the gross-out "comedy". NO MORE PUKING OR SHITTING IN MOVIES.

The Master

This movie, I don't know. It didn't have much of a story, and I prefer stories over "atmosphere". But on the other hand, it was fairly compelling, so I didn't get bored or annoyed until the last half hour. Then I got bored AND annoyed. What do you guys think Philip Seymour Hoffman smells like? I bet he smells weird.

Oh also don't go to the Hillcrest movie theater in San Diego unless you want to get in a fight with a weird jerk girl at the popcorn counter. Even if you win, WHICH I DID, you will be irritated with your moviegoing experience. Don't get me started on the La Jolla Arclight. What a pile of shit.

Twilight: THE END

The Twilight films always make me squirm awkwardly in my seat, and the final chapter was no exception.  I was less squirmy than with the first Breaking Dawn movie (seriuosly, the end of that one...yikes), but this one had its share of awkward moments and horrible acting. 

I have to give credit where its due though, and admit that I was TOTALLY HAD by the ending, and am deeply shamed about it.

Favorite friend quote during the film goes to Margo, who commented as Bella and Edward entered their fairy tale cottage: "I think they need more lamps."  (Seriously, someone go count the lamps/light fixtures in that place.  IT IS CRAZY.)

All in all, this film actually wasn't terrible, though I suspect that my indifference to it has more to do with the fun I had seeing it with my friends than anything having to do with the movie itself.

Brave (DVD review)

I was a total slacker pants and didn't see Brave in the theater (even though I really, really wanted to), so I had to wait until it came out on DVD.

People--what was I thinking?  This was HILARIOUS.  God, I love Pixar.  Seriously--they have a way of writing not only a good story, but rounding it out with scary, funny, and poignant moments.  PAY ATTENTION FILMMAKERS.

Anyway, I rented this to watch it, and now I have to go buy it.  The characters are great, and our cocky heroine grows throughout the story through her mistakes.  There's also not a sappy prince/princess love story to deal with (though one could argue there's still a love story of a different sort).  Ah, I adored it.  Pixar continues to please me. 

Wreck It Ralph

It will come as a surprise to NO ONE that I liked this, seeing as its a Disney cartoon about video games. 

Wreck It Ralph is both cute and funny.  Yes, the character voiced by Jane Lynch is essentially her character from Glee, but it works as part of the video game world.  The movie makes fun of itself and video games without coming off as cheesy or hokey.  Excellent voice acting by John C. Reilly (who I love anyway), and Sarah Silverman, and I was pleasantly surprised by Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock) and Alan Tudyk.  Good work, team!

Hotel Transylvania

As I love both Halloween AND cartoons, I had high expectations for this movie.  I left feeling a little disappointed.

I'd only seen a couple of previews, and hadn't looked up the cast, but pretty early on I realized that the voice of Dracula was totally Adam Sandler, and then I couldn't stop HEARING/SEEING Adam Sandler.  It ended up being distracting, and sometimes obnoxious.

That being said, this movie had cute moments, and several laugh-out-loud funny ones, but it still relied far too much on fart jokes (seriously, within the first 5 minutes!)  Apparently kids these days aren't savvy and still love fart jokes.  I put this cartoon solidly in the middle of the pack.  I was mostly entertained and didn't hate it, but it had the potential to be so much better.