Because I can't seem to find/think of five whole movies I liked enough to make a Top Five, I decided to break this down by category. Without further ado:
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Up!
Hands down. Awesome story telling, great computer animation, great characters. If Pixar can tell a man's life story in five minutes with no dialog and still make me cry, the rest of Hollywood needs to step it up.
BEST ZOMBIE MOVIE
Zombieland.
Duh. Gruesome, hilarious; the awesomeness of this movie renders me speechless.
BEST ACTION MOVIE
Star Trek.
Oh Hollywood...you have proven that you still have the cajones to not only make a funny, poignant, awesome action movie, but a Sci-Fi one as well. KEEP IT UP!!
BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE
Watchmen.
Soft-core porn and weird mutant cats aside, this movie was rather awesome. Again, a mixture of poignant moments, humor, action, and blood really work well together. Who knew?
December 31, 2009
Lady Blogpants' Top Five Movies of Aught-Nine!
This was a very good year for movies. I usually can't come up with five I didn't hate, let alone five for which I have a metaphorical movie boner. Now that I've made you thoroughly uncomfortable, here's my list! In ascending order of awesomeness!
5. District 9. I went into it skeptical and came out with my eyes falling out of my head. I can't wait for the sequel. Seriously, I'm not waiting. It's happening now.
4. The Hurt Locker. If you thought Point Break was Kathryn Bigelow's best movie, you're still right, but this one is a very close second. It will break your heart and your brain, plus it's got the best homoerotic army wrestling scene THIS reviewer has seen in years.
3. Star Trek. Attention Hollywood! This is how you make a good action movie! They should show this in movie class. I also love the little touches like the early scene where someone gets sucked out into space and there's suddenly NO SOUND except for all the nerds in the theater going oooooooooooooooooo.
2. Observe and Report. I don't really even have words. This movie is just so goddamned good, and so woefully underrated.
1. Zombieland. HOLY CRAP ZOMBIELAND!
5. District 9. I went into it skeptical and came out with my eyes falling out of my head. I can't wait for the sequel. Seriously, I'm not waiting. It's happening now.
4. The Hurt Locker. If you thought Point Break was Kathryn Bigelow's best movie, you're still right, but this one is a very close second. It will break your heart and your brain, plus it's got the best homoerotic army wrestling scene THIS reviewer has seen in years.
3. Star Trek. Attention Hollywood! This is how you make a good action movie! They should show this in movie class. I also love the little touches like the early scene where someone gets sucked out into space and there's suddenly NO SOUND except for all the nerds in the theater going oooooooooooooooooo.
2. Observe and Report. I don't really even have words. This movie is just so goddamned good, and so woefully underrated.
1. Zombieland. HOLY CRAP ZOMBIELAND!
Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Sexy Gentleman Fistfight
A movie set in Victorian London, starring Robert Downey Jr. and featuring an old-timey-sounding soundtrack where banjos and concertinas speed up and get loud during fight scenes? YES PLEASE!
December 26, 2009
Sherlock Holmes
In case anyone was curious, apparently the entire city of Reno is a HUGE fan of Robert Downey Jr., because the theater was PACKED for HOURS for this thing.
Despite the crowds, I much enjoyed this movie. Weirdly, my favorite part was actually Jude Law's Dr. Watson. He and Downey make an awesome-sauce team. Don't fret, though, RDJr. is also awesome, if a little eccentric (I don't think I've ever actually read a Sherlock Holmes story [I suck, I know], so I'm not sure if that's how he's supposed to be?)
Fun story, good action, good humor. You should go see it! Unless you live in Reno, and then you might want to wait a week :P
Despite the crowds, I much enjoyed this movie. Weirdly, my favorite part was actually Jude Law's Dr. Watson. He and Downey make an awesome-sauce team. Don't fret, though, RDJr. is also awesome, if a little eccentric (I don't think I've ever actually read a Sherlock Holmes story [I suck, I know], so I'm not sure if that's how he's supposed to be?)
Fun story, good action, good humor. You should go see it! Unless you live in Reno, and then you might want to wait a week :P
December 21, 2009
The Princess and the Frog
Like I'm going to say anything bad about this. It's cute and funny and you should go see it. The end.
P.S. The supporting characters Ray and Louis are awesome.
P.S. The supporting characters Ray and Louis are awesome.
Avatar
I was iffy about this movie initially, mostly because I thought the trailer looked like poo. I hadn't planned on seeing it. And then there was the buzz! Nominated for a Golden Globe! Either Hollywood was kissing James Cameron's ass, or it was actually decent. So when my boss suggested we all see it has part of our holiday team lunch/movie event, I went along for the ride. And guess what?
I liked it! Still a little computerized for my taste, but not horribly--the aliens actually looked real-ish, texture-wise (except for the eyes...lets try to get the eyes right next time, team). Good story (made me cry, but most things do). I'd probably even go see it again in the theater, which is saying something.
I liked it! Still a little computerized for my taste, but not horribly--the aliens actually looked real-ish, texture-wise (except for the eyes...lets try to get the eyes right next time, team). Good story (made me cry, but most things do). I'd probably even go see it again in the theater, which is saying something.
November 23, 2009
Lady Blogpants stole the best "New Moon Sucks" title.
This movie was a lot like the book, which is to say that it was somewhat entertaining but also completely ridiculous.
R. Patz is retarded for thinking Kristen Stewart can act. SHE CANNOT. Then again, neither can he. The only good actors in this movie were Billy Burke (Bella's dad) and Michael Sheen (creepy Aro).
Lining up to see this movie, I thought I saw quite a few Twi-hards or Twits or whatever they're called, but there was an awful lot of laughing during this film (especially during the retarded flash-forward to Bella as a vampire and Edward skipping through the forest all "tra-la-la!" coughlamecough).
Also, why must they make poor Jackson Rathbone (Jasper) look so horrid? He's a good looking kid, I swear!
I was vastly disappointed with the crappy wolf CGI, and angry that Rachelle Lefevre is not going to be in the next one. She was creepy and didn't even have any freaking lines (which is probably a blessing for her, really).
The best part of this movie-going experience for me was the first time Jacob/Taylor Lautner took off his shirt and someone in the audience gasped rather loudly--the rest of us laughed at that person (but secretly agreed).
R. Patz is retarded for thinking Kristen Stewart can act. SHE CANNOT. Then again, neither can he. The only good actors in this movie were Billy Burke (Bella's dad) and Michael Sheen (creepy Aro).
Lining up to see this movie, I thought I saw quite a few Twi-hards or Twits or whatever they're called, but there was an awful lot of laughing during this film (especially during the retarded flash-forward to Bella as a vampire and Edward skipping through the forest all "tra-la-la!" coughlamecough).
Also, why must they make poor Jackson Rathbone (Jasper) look so horrid? He's a good looking kid, I swear!
I was vastly disappointed with the crappy wolf CGI, and angry that Rachelle Lefevre is not going to be in the next one. She was creepy and didn't even have any freaking lines (which is probably a blessing for her, really).
The best part of this movie-going experience for me was the first time Jacob/Taylor Lautner took off his shirt and someone in the audience gasped rather loudly--the rest of us laughed at that person (but secretly agreed).
November 22, 2009
Boo Moon
Bella: I am the most boring person on earth.
Edward: You're right. You even bore me, the most boring vampire. Cullen out!
Bella: Booo hooo. I know that sounds sarcastic, but that's because I'm not a very good actor. I am seriously sad. I think I'll go lead my suddenly hot friend Jacob around by his dick for a while. Not literally, we're Mormons.
Jacob: I love you. So does my wig.
Bella: I just want to be friends but I'm going to lead you on the whole movie. Have I mentioned I'm an asshole, in addition to being boring? Check out my motorcycle! VROOM!
Jacob: Oh, you cut yourself. I'd better take my shirt off.
Me: YAY! HOT INDIAN WEREWOLF JAILBAIT!
Bella: Considering I used to date a vampire, it is taking me an absurdly long time to figure out this guy is a werewolf. Especially considering he told me all about his tribe being werewolves in the last movie...OH MY HECK YOU'RE A WEREWOLF!
[Shirtless Indian werewolf muffin-eating break!]
Me: WOOOO! MUFFINS!
Bella: Well, I just can't get interested in the fact that werewolves and vampires exist. Most people would find that at least somewhat intriguing. Not me. I'm so bored I'm going to jump off this cliff or whatever.
Jacob: Saved you! Ooops, my shirt seems to have fallen off in the process.
Me: You're pushing it, kid, but I'm going to let it slide.
Lady Vampire: Bella! I drove this product placement here to tell you Edward is going to get Dakota Fanning and Tony Blair to kill him! In ITALY!
[Bella and Lady Vampire go to ITALY. I wish there had been a scene of them reading magazines on the airplane and making awkward small talk.]
Edward: Time to get sparkly and let Dakota Fanning and Tony Blair kill me. I'd better take my shirt off.
Audience: OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR NIPPLE?
Edward: What? Which one?
Audience: THAT ONE THAT ONE AAAGHH!
Edward: I don't see it. US Weekly says I have a beautiful body.
Bella: Edward, I forgive you for dumping me. Please put your shirt back on. You're kind of bumming everybody out.
The Volturi: Hiiiiiii!
Me: AAAAAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
THE END.
Edward: You're right. You even bore me, the most boring vampire. Cullen out!
Bella: Booo hooo. I know that sounds sarcastic, but that's because I'm not a very good actor. I am seriously sad. I think I'll go lead my suddenly hot friend Jacob around by his dick for a while. Not literally, we're Mormons.
Jacob: I love you. So does my wig.
Bella: I just want to be friends but I'm going to lead you on the whole movie. Have I mentioned I'm an asshole, in addition to being boring? Check out my motorcycle! VROOM!
Jacob: Oh, you cut yourself. I'd better take my shirt off.
Me: YAY! HOT INDIAN WEREWOLF JAILBAIT!
Bella: Considering I used to date a vampire, it is taking me an absurdly long time to figure out this guy is a werewolf. Especially considering he told me all about his tribe being werewolves in the last movie...OH MY HECK YOU'RE A WEREWOLF!
[Shirtless Indian werewolf muffin-eating break!]
Me: WOOOO! MUFFINS!
Bella: Well, I just can't get interested in the fact that werewolves and vampires exist. Most people would find that at least somewhat intriguing. Not me. I'm so bored I'm going to jump off this cliff or whatever.
Jacob: Saved you! Ooops, my shirt seems to have fallen off in the process.
Me: You're pushing it, kid, but I'm going to let it slide.
Lady Vampire: Bella! I drove this product placement here to tell you Edward is going to get Dakota Fanning and Tony Blair to kill him! In ITALY!
[Bella and Lady Vampire go to ITALY. I wish there had been a scene of them reading magazines on the airplane and making awkward small talk.]
Edward: Time to get sparkly and let Dakota Fanning and Tony Blair kill me. I'd better take my shirt off.
Audience: OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR NIPPLE?
Edward: What? Which one?
Audience: THAT ONE THAT ONE AAAGHH!
Edward: I don't see it. US Weekly says I have a beautiful body.
Bella: Edward, I forgive you for dumping me. Please put your shirt back on. You're kind of bumming everybody out.
The Volturi: Hiiiiiii!
Me: AAAAAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
THE END.
November 17, 2009
2012! 2012! 2012! 2012!
YAAAAY EVERYTHING FALLS DOWN AND CRASHES INTO EVERYTHING ELSE WHILE ALSO HORIZONTALLY CHASING JOHN CUSACK ACROSS THE EARTH'S CRUST YAAAAAY!
More specific comments:
It was honestly confusing that the Nicolas Cage part was played by John Cusack.
It was also confusing how Jeff Goldblum was black in this movie, but I didn't have a problem with it per se.
President Danny Glover missed several perfect opportunities to announce "My fellow Americans...I'm too old for this shit."
And I didn't need the last half hour of the movie to be about stupid people trying to close the stupid hatch on the stupid futureboat in the stupid Himalayas. I want these "a small number of humans escape the apocalypse" movies to wrap up with detailed explanations of how they rebuild civilization, including where they poop in the meantime.
Otherwise YAAAAAAY 2012!
More specific comments:
It was honestly confusing that the Nicolas Cage part was played by John Cusack.
It was also confusing how Jeff Goldblum was black in this movie, but I didn't have a problem with it per se.
President Danny Glover missed several perfect opportunities to announce "My fellow Americans...I'm too old for this shit."
And I didn't need the last half hour of the movie to be about stupid people trying to close the stupid hatch on the stupid futureboat in the stupid Himalayas. I want these "a small number of humans escape the apocalypse" movies to wrap up with detailed explanations of how they rebuild civilization, including where they poop in the meantime.
Otherwise YAAAAAAY 2012!
November 15, 2009
Thank God for outsourcing
Short Movie Review: Law Abiding Citizen
They say great movies, like great literature, teach you something about yourself. I don't know if I'd call this movie great, but I do know that I learned something very disappointing about myself: Despite the fact that I sometimes have fantasies about torturing people who have done bad things to me, apparently I would not be able to conduct the actual procedure myself, judging from my inability to even make myself watch movie character torture.
They say great movies, like great literature, teach you something about yourself. I don't know if I'd call this movie great, but I do know that I learned something very disappointing about myself: Despite the fact that I sometimes have fantasies about torturing people who have done bad things to me, apparently I would not be able to conduct the actual procedure myself, judging from my inability to even make myself watch movie character torture.
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