Cowboys Vs. Aliens Vs. Indiana Jones Vs. Indians Vs. Aliens

I have not been so disappointed in a movie since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Even Shia LaBeouf couldn't have made this movie any worse. Well, maybe he could have. Anyway, the point is, I don't understand how you could make a movie with Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, cowboys, and aliens, and have it be so infuriatingly dull. At first it was fun watching Harrison Ford enjoy hamming up his awful, one-dimensional robot cowboy character, but eventually even he got bored with it. My advice to the purveyors of this crap: go back and add lots of nude Daniel Craig. Oh yeah, and take out all the dialogue and all the other characters. Then this movie would suck less.

Super 8

To be honest, I expected this to be a lot scarier. That is not to say that I didn't jump out of my seat every five minutes (making my friend laugh hysterically), but the previews I'd seen had made it seem much creepier.

At any rate, although the main cast consists of kid actors, they were very good. Good characterizations, and funny. I don't know why Elle Fanning is getting so much more attention than Joel Courtney, though. He was fabulous and adorable; she was okay--I mean, not bad, but I wasn't like, "Wow, that girl is going to kill it someday!" I can only assume she's getting so much attention because she happens to be Dakota Fanning's kid sister.

The monster was scarier when we couldn't really see him--I did love the small reflection in the gas puddle early on, though (my friend missed it, so look out for it!) Loved being able to see the actual Super 8 film at the end--too funny!

Overall, I enjoyed myself. The film has its scary moments, and even some gory ones, as well as plenty of comedy and explosions. It does have a Disney-like ending, however, so if you're expecting a bloodbath, you'll be disappointed.

HOLY SHIT ATTACK THE BLOCK!!

I don't know if I've mentioned this a thousand times, but I live in LOS ANGELES, the movie capital of the non-Indian world, and I get to see a lot of movies that other people don't. My life is pretty amazing, you guys. So a couple of months ago my brother got special sneak preview tickets for Attack the Block, a British alien invasion movie which hasn't even come out in the UK yet, and might NEVER come out in the US because distributors are nervous about all the thick Britsy accents in the thing. Which is ridiculous, but whatever, I got to see it in a theater with a bunch of hyper nerds and my DVD player is multiformat, so THERE, idiot American distributors.

I just realized I'm being overly detailed in "setting the scene", just like the shitty restaurant reviewers in the Reno News and Review. "My cousin and I were playing Boggle all afternoon and we realized we were hungry! So we got in the car and buckled our seatbelts and drove to Petey Po's Pizza Pie Palace. We parked in the parking lot that was associated with the restaurant, alongside some other cars that were parked in the same lot. When we walked in via the door, I noticed that this restaurant had tables AND chairs! Many of the tables had multiple chairs at them, which is good, because like I said, I was with my cousin, so there were two of us. The decorations on the walls were of many pretty colors, and were mostly attached to the walls (interior) with little nails and pushpins. I enjoyed the colors! We ate a pizza and went home."

OK, anyway, I don't care how many more movies I see this year, I can tell you right now that Attack the Block is the best film of 2011. The basic premise is that aliens attack a housing project in London, and a bunch of teenagers instantly fight back and it is fucking AMAZING. It's the perfect mix of scary funny action, with just the slightest bit of sentimentality that is done so well, with such a light touch, that it almost makes me cry just thinking about it. If you get a chance to see this movie, oh my god, do it.

ATTACK THE BLOCK!

Hesher

Hesher is a bit of a mixed bag because it's a boring lame indie movie wrapped around one of the greatest characters I've ever seen onscreen. Is it worth seeing? I'm not sure. Every once in a while, Hesher bursts in through the fourth wall of another dreary movie about Dysfunctional People Dealing With Life and does all kinds of awesome shit, and those parts of the movie are amazing. This Joseph Gordon Levitt kid, he's the real deal. The problem is, there aren't nearly enough Hesher parts, and there are way too many Sad Kid with Dead Mom parts. Oh, speaking of which, get ready for my Super 8 review.

X-Men: First Class

I had high hopes going into this one. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender? YES PLEASE. (You may recall my weird crush on Fassbender from previous posts).

SPOILERS AHOY!


I was a little disappointed, to be honest. Sure, there's decent special effects and action (I sort of loved the sequence where Erik/Magneto goes into the South American bar and causes havok--HAHAHA no pun intended!!), though to be honest, I hated the effect for Emma Frost's "diamond" form--boo! I also didn't like that they had Mystique and Prof. X meet as children and become like...best buddies/brother and sister. What? If my googling skills are up to par, I'm pretty sure that's not at all what happens in the comics. SIGH.

Also, while they did develop a friendship between Magneto and Prof. X (which was bromance at its best), it ended really quickly--I had gotten the impression from the other films (which may or may not have anything to do with this one?? I'm unsure) that they were friends for YEARS and YEARS before having their falling out--I mean, we see them go recruit Jean Grey together as older men, right?

I guess that's where I'm the most confused--does this movie have anything to do with the previous three? I want to say yes, because they harken back to Rebecca Romijn as Mystique, they use the opening bit with Magneto pulling the fence at the ghetto/camp as a teenager, Wolverine makes an appearance--but then other things just don't match up (as mentioned above).

I hate when movies confuse me, so this one gets a B. SO THERE.

The First Grader

I am such a slacker. I keep seeing movies and not reviewing them. Ah, summer.

Anyway, I am often coerced into seeing artsy movies with my mother; more often than not, I go in kicking and screaming only to leave having loved what I saw. Mothers are annoying like that. You'd think I'd just accept her judgement and move on, but no. Apparently I'm still stuck in my teenage ways many years later.

The First Grader is a sweet movie, based on a true story (but we know how that goes in Hollywood). The actor who played Maruge (the old man who is going back to school to learn to read) was excellent--just the right mix of quiet sadness and determination. I thought the flashback sequences could have been a little clearer--it wasn't obvious at first what was going on (like...if it was something happening simultaneously in other part of the country, or really WAS a flashback). Overall, it's not the BEST independent film I've seen, but it was sweet.

POTC Part Four!

I have a complicated relationship with the Pirates movies. I loved the first one, but as I was driving home from the movie theater my car was totaled by a drunk driver running a red light. He didn't even get a ticket, by the way - the cop said he thought the accident was "punishment enough". WTF? Other people can drunkenly careen through red lights and into my car and not get a ticket, while I got a ticket once for riding my horse in the park on the wrong day of the week (p.s. eff you, Chico!).

I saw the second one at the precious old-timey theater in Ely, and was so bored that I slept through what I hoped was most of it. I was angry when I woke up and still had twenty minutes of boring to sit through. I was so mad at the second one that I never even bothered going to the third one.

So, it was with some trepidation that I went to the fourth one, especially since we went to the same theater where I saw the first one (I took a different route home this time). Luckily for me, the movie was entertaining and not associated with any traffic accidents. Despite the fact that Jack Sparrow as a romantic lead is a little bit of a stretch, and the obvious truth that Penelope Cruz is an actress best suited for silent films, the movie was fun to watch and full of predictable but still awesome Jack Sparrow antics. Aaaaaand that hot guy with no shirt on. I'm hoping the next one is less G-rated.

Kung Fu Panda 2

As you may recall, I freaking loved the original Kung Fu Panda. I thought it was pretty flawless. The sequel, therefore, had a lot to live up to.

It did a pretty good job: I laughed, I made "aww" sounds, I may have cried a little. I didn't think it was as funny as the first, though, but the story was still excellent. There was actually some character development from the first film, which is an amazing accomplishment these days in Hollywood, let alone in an animated film. So, I can't say that it's up there with the original, or How to Train Your Dragon, but still a very well done little movie. B+!

-------------------------------
In other news, why the holy fuck are they making a "Happy Feet 2"?! Seriously? I HATED the first one (and I'm the Disney nerd!) UGHHHHHH.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Initially, I wasn't sure what this would be like. I saw various reviews of this movie prior to actually watching it, and they seemed to be polar opposites: some people freaking loved it, others hated it and wished Johnny would just quit already. I loved the first Pirates movie (when most critics didn't), but was mainly "meh" about the next two. Would this be better since it had a partially different cast? Would it be worse?

I am here to inform you that it is better. Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush are awesome (as always), Penelope Cruz doesn't suck (it's true!), and Ian McShane is an awesome bad guy. Also, things blow up, there's a hot guy without a shirt on for much of the movie (though, he does not hold a candle to Thor, I'm afraid to say) and there are fucking crazy-awesome mermaids! (And also a small love story, and we all know I'm a sucker for anything even remotely romantic).

I do, however, have two problems: 1) Despite Ian McShane being awesome, I sort of always pictured Blackbeard as being a little more...unbalanced. He had a creepy, calm vibe (which is great), but I would have loved to see him being just a touch more psychotic. 2) The very last scene was dumb.

Yay movies!

Thor

One word to Chris Hemsworth: Hel-lo!

This was not my favorite of the Avengers "series" of movies, but I didn't hate it either. Could've used more shirtless Chris Hemsworth, for sure.

I liked the "earth" parts far more than the "Asgard" parts, because I hate when things are so completely computer generated that they're too perfect. It was beautiful, but also slightly...off. I don't know how to explain it.

However, the fight scenes were excellent, things blew up, and I laughed. Also, it has Ray Stevenson in it, whom I love because he is awesome. I was afraid Natalie Portman would ruin this (not a huge fan of hers), but I actually liked her character, so that's a step in the right direction. Gotta say, though, I loved Kat Dennings (her sidekick) much more.