I saw Attack the Block again and it continues to be awesome. It's finally been released in the U.S., so if you live in Los Angeles, New York, Seattle, Chicago, Austin, or San Francisco you can see it now. Starting August 19th, you can also see it in Boston, Orlando, Dallas, Atlanta, DC, or Phoenix.
If you live in Reno, you can instead see the exact same eight shitty movies that are playing at all four theaters in town, since they're all conveniently owned by the same company. I hear Glee in 3D hasn't technically killed anybody yet.
August 13, 2011
August 11, 2011
Cowboys and Aliens
I don't know what the hell you people are bitching about. Did you see how tight Daniel Craig's clothes were in this movie? Dude wore the fuck out of those chaps, plus his shirt came open or off a LOT. Did we have to look at any naked ladies? NO. Harrison Ford grandpa'd it up all over the Old West, and Sam Rockwell was even in it as the cutest old-timey bartender I ever did see.
This was a veritable cornucopia of hot guys past and present, with beautiful New Mexico locations and surprisingly accurate set and costume design. Plus aliens. What more can you possibly ask for? More hotness? Possibly, but if this movie had Ewan McGregor in it too I would've fainted right onto my fainting couch.
Yes, it was way too long, but on the whole I consider it a little gift from heaven...OR OUTER SPACE!
This was a veritable cornucopia of hot guys past and present, with beautiful New Mexico locations and surprisingly accurate set and costume design. Plus aliens. What more can you possibly ask for? More hotness? Possibly, but if this movie had Ewan McGregor in it too I would've fainted right onto my fainting couch.
Yes, it was way too long, but on the whole I consider it a little gift from heaven...OR OUTER SPACE!
Franco of the Planet of the Apes
This movie is completely idiotic, but it's not like you don't know that going in, so I'm not going to waste time making a list of every stupid thing that was stupid even by CGI monkey movie standards.
What I will do is tell you I got shushed by my own companions twice during this movie. Once, after a character talked about profit and money and the bottom line for the 18th time in 3 minutes and I yelled SO WHAT'S THIS GUY'S MOTIVATION? And then again, when John fucking Lithgow showed up with crazy eyes and started playing the piano and I went OH NO. I stayed pretty quiet for all the monkey parts, though.
YES I KNOW APES AREN'T MONKEYS
What I will do is tell you I got shushed by my own companions twice during this movie. Once, after a character talked about profit and money and the bottom line for the 18th time in 3 minutes and I yelled SO WHAT'S THIS GUY'S MOTIVATION? And then again, when John fucking Lithgow showed up with crazy eyes and started playing the piano and I went OH NO. I stayed pretty quiet for all the monkey parts, though.
YES I KNOW APES AREN'T MONKEYS
Bridesmaids
With some tighter editing, better writing for Maya Rudolph, and the excision of the food poisoning scene (aka Hey 14 Year Old Boys Look at Us We're Puking and Shitting Too This Isn't a Chick Flick Tell Your Friends), this would have been one of the best comedies ever made. As it is, it's a solid movie with a lot of hilarious laffs and some good believable characters--Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy's manage to balance out Rose Byrne and Maya Rudolph's weirdly one-dimensional ones. Plus it has Roy from the IT Crowd! Hi Roy! I was Moss at Comic-Con!
The main thing about this movie, though, is that it was clearly written by women, for women, with jokes that are aimed at women*, and unlike most movies supposedly for women, it actually LIKES WOMEN. Thanks, Kristin Wiig! I haven't seen a movie written FOR ME since, what, Thelma and Louise? Is this what it feels like for 14-year-old boys every time they go to the movies? DADDY LIKE!
Bridesmaids: see it if you like things that are rad!
*Exhibit A: when Wiig tells Jon Hamm about her fictitious other boyfriend "George Glass" and he mushes her boob around like every other guy who's never learned what nipples are for and says "yeah but can he do THIS?" and she says "Probably." My buddy and I died laughing all over the theater. Also, George Glass was Jan Brady's imaginary boyfriend, so that's pretty awesome.
The main thing about this movie, though, is that it was clearly written by women, for women, with jokes that are aimed at women*, and unlike most movies supposedly for women, it actually LIKES WOMEN. Thanks, Kristin Wiig! I haven't seen a movie written FOR ME since, what, Thelma and Louise? Is this what it feels like for 14-year-old boys every time they go to the movies? DADDY LIKE!
Bridesmaids: see it if you like things that are rad!
*Exhibit A: when Wiig tells Jon Hamm about her fictitious other boyfriend "George Glass" and he mushes her boob around like every other guy who's never learned what nipples are for and says "yeah but can he do THIS?" and she says "Probably." My buddy and I died laughing all over the theater. Also, George Glass was Jan Brady's imaginary boyfriend, so that's pretty awesome.
July 31, 2011
Cowboys Vs. Aliens Vs. Indiana Jones Vs. Indians Vs. Aliens
I have not been so disappointed in a movie since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Even Shia LaBeouf couldn't have made this movie any worse. Well, maybe he could have. Anyway, the point is, I don't understand how you could make a movie with Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, cowboys, and aliens, and have it be so infuriatingly dull. At first it was fun watching Harrison Ford enjoy hamming up his awful, one-dimensional robot cowboy character, but eventually even he got bored with it. My advice to the purveyors of this crap: go back and add lots of nude Daniel Craig. Oh yeah, and take out all the dialogue and all the other characters. Then this movie would suck less.
June 22, 2011
Super 8
To be honest, I expected this to be a lot scarier. That is not to say that I didn't jump out of my seat every five minutes (making my friend laugh hysterically), but the previews I'd seen had made it seem much creepier.
At any rate, although the main cast consists of kid actors, they were very good. Good characterizations, and funny. I don't know why Elle Fanning is getting so much more attention than Joel Courtney, though. He was fabulous and adorable; she was okay--I mean, not bad, but I wasn't like, "Wow, that girl is going to kill it someday!" I can only assume she's getting so much attention because she happens to be Dakota Fanning's kid sister.
The monster was scarier when we couldn't really see him--I did love the small reflection in the gas puddle early on, though (my friend missed it, so look out for it!) Loved being able to see the actual Super 8 film at the end--too funny!
Overall, I enjoyed myself. The film has its scary moments, and even some gory ones, as well as plenty of comedy and explosions. It does have a Disney-like ending, however, so if you're expecting a bloodbath, you'll be disappointed.
June 20, 2011
HOLY SHIT ATTACK THE BLOCK!!
I don't know if I've mentioned this a thousand times, but I live in LOS ANGELES, the movie capital of the non-Indian world, and I get to see a lot of movies that other people don't. My life is pretty amazing, you guys. So a couple of months ago my brother got special sneak preview tickets for Attack the Block, a British alien invasion movie which hasn't even come out in the UK yet, and might NEVER come out in the US because distributors are nervous about all the thick Britsy accents in the thing. Which is ridiculous, but whatever, I got to see it in a theater with a bunch of hyper nerds and my DVD player is multiformat, so THERE, idiot American distributors.
I just realized I'm being overly detailed in "setting the scene", just like the shitty restaurant reviewers in the Reno News and Review. "My cousin and I were playing Boggle all afternoon and we realized we were hungry! So we got in the car and buckled our seatbelts and drove to Petey Po's Pizza Pie Palace. We parked in the parking lot that was associated with the restaurant, alongside some other cars that were parked in the same lot. When we walked in via the door, I noticed that this restaurant had tables AND chairs! Many of the tables had multiple chairs at them, which is good, because like I said, I was with my cousin, so there were two of us. The decorations on the walls were of many pretty colors, and were mostly attached to the walls (interior) with little nails and pushpins. I enjoyed the colors! We ate a pizza and went home."
OK, anyway, I don't care how many more movies I see this year, I can tell you right now that Attack the Block is the best film of 2011. The basic premise is that aliens attack a housing project in London, and a bunch of teenagers instantly fight back and it is fucking AMAZING. It's the perfect mix of scary funny action, with just the slightest bit of sentimentality that is done so well, with such a light touch, that it almost makes me cry just thinking about it. If you get a chance to see this movie, oh my god, do it.
ATTACK THE BLOCK!
I just realized I'm being overly detailed in "setting the scene", just like the shitty restaurant reviewers in the Reno News and Review. "My cousin and I were playing Boggle all afternoon and we realized we were hungry! So we got in the car and buckled our seatbelts and drove to Petey Po's Pizza Pie Palace. We parked in the parking lot that was associated with the restaurant, alongside some other cars that were parked in the same lot. When we walked in via the door, I noticed that this restaurant had tables AND chairs! Many of the tables had multiple chairs at them, which is good, because like I said, I was with my cousin, so there were two of us. The decorations on the walls were of many pretty colors, and were mostly attached to the walls (interior) with little nails and pushpins. I enjoyed the colors! We ate a pizza and went home."
OK, anyway, I don't care how many more movies I see this year, I can tell you right now that Attack the Block is the best film of 2011. The basic premise is that aliens attack a housing project in London, and a bunch of teenagers instantly fight back and it is fucking AMAZING. It's the perfect mix of scary funny action, with just the slightest bit of sentimentality that is done so well, with such a light touch, that it almost makes me cry just thinking about it. If you get a chance to see this movie, oh my god, do it.
ATTACK THE BLOCK!
Hesher
Hesher is a bit of a mixed bag because it's a boring lame indie movie wrapped around one of the greatest characters I've ever seen onscreen. Is it worth seeing? I'm not sure. Every once in a while, Hesher bursts in through the fourth wall of another dreary movie about Dysfunctional People Dealing With Life and does all kinds of awesome shit, and those parts of the movie are amazing. This Joseph Gordon Levitt kid, he's the real deal. The problem is, there aren't nearly enough Hesher parts, and there are way too many Sad Kid with Dead Mom parts. Oh, speaking of which, get ready for my Super 8 review.
June 18, 2011
X-Men: First Class
I had high hopes going into this one. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender? YES PLEASE. (You may recall my weird crush on Fassbender from previous posts).
SPOILERS AHOY!
I was a little disappointed, to be honest. Sure, there's decent special effects and action (I sort of loved the sequence where Erik/Magneto goes into the South American bar and causes havok--HAHAHA no pun intended!!), though to be honest, I hated the effect for Emma Frost's "diamond" form--boo! I also didn't like that they had Mystique and Prof. X meet as children and become like...best buddies/brother and sister. What? If my googling skills are up to par, I'm pretty sure that's not at all what happens in the comics. SIGH.
Also, while they did develop a friendship between Magneto and Prof. X (which was bromance at its best), it ended really quickly--I had gotten the impression from the other films (which may or may not have anything to do with this one?? I'm unsure) that they were friends for YEARS and YEARS before having their falling out--I mean, we see them go recruit Jean Grey together as older men, right?
I guess that's where I'm the most confused--does this movie have anything to do with the previous three? I want to say yes, because they harken back to Rebecca Romijn as Mystique, they use the opening bit with Magneto pulling the fence at the ghetto/camp as a teenager, Wolverine makes an appearance--but then other things just don't match up (as mentioned above).
I hate when movies confuse me, so this one gets a B. SO THERE.
SPOILERS AHOY!
I was a little disappointed, to be honest. Sure, there's decent special effects and action (I sort of loved the sequence where Erik/Magneto goes into the South American bar and causes havok--HAHAHA no pun intended!!), though to be honest, I hated the effect for Emma Frost's "diamond" form--boo! I also didn't like that they had Mystique and Prof. X meet as children and become like...best buddies/brother and sister. What? If my googling skills are up to par, I'm pretty sure that's not at all what happens in the comics. SIGH.
Also, while they did develop a friendship between Magneto and Prof. X (which was bromance at its best), it ended really quickly--I had gotten the impression from the other films (which may or may not have anything to do with this one?? I'm unsure) that they were friends for YEARS and YEARS before having their falling out--I mean, we see them go recruit Jean Grey together as older men, right?
I guess that's where I'm the most confused--does this movie have anything to do with the previous three? I want to say yes, because they harken back to Rebecca Romijn as Mystique, they use the opening bit with Magneto pulling the fence at the ghetto/camp as a teenager, Wolverine makes an appearance--but then other things just don't match up (as mentioned above).
I hate when movies confuse me, so this one gets a B. SO THERE.
The First Grader
I am such a slacker. I keep seeing movies and not reviewing them. Ah, summer.
Anyway, I am often coerced into seeing artsy movies with my mother; more often than not, I go in kicking and screaming only to leave having loved what I saw. Mothers are annoying like that. You'd think I'd just accept her judgement and move on, but no. Apparently I'm still stuck in my teenage ways many years later.
The First Grader is a sweet movie, based on a true story (but we know how that goes in Hollywood). The actor who played Maruge (the old man who is going back to school to learn to read) was excellent--just the right mix of quiet sadness and determination. I thought the flashback sequences could have been a little clearer--it wasn't obvious at first what was going on (like...if it was something happening simultaneously in other part of the country, or really WAS a flashback). Overall, it's not the BEST independent film I've seen, but it was sweet.
Anyway, I am often coerced into seeing artsy movies with my mother; more often than not, I go in kicking and screaming only to leave having loved what I saw. Mothers are annoying like that. You'd think I'd just accept her judgement and move on, but no. Apparently I'm still stuck in my teenage ways many years later.
The First Grader is a sweet movie, based on a true story (but we know how that goes in Hollywood). The actor who played Maruge (the old man who is going back to school to learn to read) was excellent--just the right mix of quiet sadness and determination. I thought the flashback sequences could have been a little clearer--it wasn't obvious at first what was going on (like...if it was something happening simultaneously in other part of the country, or really WAS a flashback). Overall, it's not the BEST independent film I've seen, but it was sweet.
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