Star Trek: Into Darkness

YAY STAR TREK!

I am pleased to report that the second new Star Trek film is very good.  I was a little worried it would be a plot repeat in the beginning, but it worked out.  I also now understand the fascination with Benedict Cumberbatch's voice--he shall make an excellent Smaug, for sure.

My only minor complaint is that I'm worried they're starting to get a little *too* silly with McCoy, which is a shame because I love Karl Urban's portrayal--dial it back, J.J.

I loved a lot of the effects in the film (especially the warp "trail') and I actually (gasp) enjoyed and noticed the 3D in this movie.  This is new for me...I'm  not sure how to feel about it.

Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3 is way better than Iron Man 2, but still not as good as the original.  I was pleasantly surprised with some kick-ass Pepper Potts moments.  I missed Tony Stark's humor, though...it's sort of there, but not like it was in The Avengers.  Tony was going through some stuff, though.  Apparently.

This particular Iron Man film is much more story-driven than the second one, which is likely why I liked it better.  Saw it in 3D, but it didn't make much of an impact.  I'm going to have to stop seeing things in 3D, because I'm never impressed (with the exception of movies being re-released, and only because I just want to see those on the big screen again...hi, Jurassic Park!)

P.S. Guy Pearce is creepy.  Ben Kingsley is awesome.

Skyfall

This movie was okay, but it was too long and needed a better edit. You know what audiences don't want to see? James Bond, his fake mom, and another old guy (who we've just been introduced to and are supposed to instantly care about) prepping a Scottish mansion to hold off a siege IN REAL TIME. "I say, old chap, have you any more AAA batteries for me to put in this lantern, for use during the siege?" "Certainly, my boy, they're in the third drawer down in the kitchen." "This one?" "No, no, to the left." "Oh okay. Now, are these AAAs or AAs?" "I believe I have both. They're all mixed up in that plastic bag, you'll have to sort through it." "Blimey." And then for all that prep work, when the bad guy comes in a helicopter and just blasts the shit out of the house, Bond is all OH SHIT A HELICOPTER? WE DIDN'T PREPARE FOR THAT! Worst secret agent ever.

You know what else audiences don't want to see? A bunch of shitty CGI effects, especially after they've seen a really good actual-person fight sequence or actual-car car chase. Take a look at that fucking komodo dragon in that casino scene. It's awful. Fuck you.

AN ADDITIONAL VERY PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS

You guys. Let's talk about Taken. That movie is completely amazing. So yes, we were all very excited about Taken 2, and got tickets to see it in the Cinerama Dome at 10 AM so we'd be sure to get good seats. It was not very good, but it did not disappoint! There is something to be said for a movie meeting your precise expectations.

The bad guys in Taken 2 are the most incompetent bad guys ever in a movie. They instantly fall asleep on watch, get distracted by sports on the teevee, and collapse in a senseless heap when 90-year-old Liam Neeson karate chops them on the arm. It's great.

The one thing I really wanted to see but didn't (maybe in Taken 3???) is Liam getting together with all his old Hawaiian shirt-wearing, steak-barbecuing retired spy buddies and going on an adventure. The scenes with those guys are seriously the best.

Taken 2: why not?

OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE EXPENDABLES 2!

Remember that part in the first Expendables where Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis meet in a church and proceed to create the most amazingly bad scene in the history of cinema? The Expendables 2 is that scene drawn out for 90 minutes. It's not pretty. Most of this movie is a terrible, lazy pastiche of awkward moments where old men--OSTENSIBLY ACTORS--struggle to deliver simple lines without looking right at the camera, forgetting half the words, or peeing their pants. The explosions aren't as good as in the first movie, and Terry Crews doesn't get to do enough awesome stuff. Jean-Claude Van Damme is a little piece of heaven, though, since he can actually act and seems to be making an effort. He's also still in awesome shape, so the scene where Sylvester Stallone is supposed to "win" a fight with him is very silly indeed. Oh, and Bruce Willis is acceptable.

The Revengers

So bored by this nonsense. Two and a half hours is too long, especially when most of it is just CGI stuff bonking into other CGI stuff. That time would have been much better spent on Hulk ripping people in half and everyone else taking off their shirts.

Here's a picture of me watching this movie.

The Avengers

Holy shit, this was the best thing ever.

The Hunger Games

Unlike my fellow blogger, I actually liked this movie--I'd probably even pay to see it again, and it intrigued me into wanting to read the books (which I haven't read yet), so already its doing better than most things Hollywood is shelling out these days. I was entertained and not angry about editing or dialogue, and I quite enjoyed the performances from Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson and Woody Harrelson (who doesn't love Woody Harrelson?). However, I have to say that by far my favorite character was Seneca Crane/Wes Bentley's beard. That thing was fucking amazing.

The only part that I didn't like was the damn shaky camera, especially in the very beginning (pretty much everything that happens in District 12 before they get sent to The Capitol). Seriously, I had to look away from the screen several times because I felt dizzy. I don't know if it chilled out after that, or I just got used to it, but the remainder of the movie I was okay. Also, I want Jennifer Lawrence to be my new best friend, because she is freaking HILARIOUS in interviews.

21 Jump Street

This movie is surprisingly funny. It's too long by half, and the last chase scene is completely unnecessary, and neither of its leads is pleasant to look at, and it's way too bro-y/"bitches be stupid", but it has lots of genuinely hilarious moments and is fully aware of how absurd it is that it was ever made. Recommended!

Sherlock Holmes 2: Book of Secrets

I have no idea what happened in this movie. There was a lot of mumbling and CGI things flying around but that's all I could figure out. I don't even have the energy to be mad at this thing, that's how dumb it was. Plus I just watched the first episode of Season 2 of the new BBC Sherlock series, and it's so many millions of times better than Sherlock Holmes 2: On Stranger Tides that I'm just going to pretend the movie never happened. Ahhh.

Mission Improbable 4

I was on board with this entertaining cartoon for the first 90 minutes, but it continued for at least another 30 minutes after that, so I got real small and crawled into my empty popcorn bag for a nap.

Super 8

To be honest, I expected this to be a lot scarier. That is not to say that I didn't jump out of my seat every five minutes (making my friend laugh hysterically), but the previews I'd seen had made it seem much creepier.

At any rate, although the main cast consists of kid actors, they were very good. Good characterizations, and funny. I don't know why Elle Fanning is getting so much more attention than Joel Courtney, though. He was fabulous and adorable; she was okay--I mean, not bad, but I wasn't like, "Wow, that girl is going to kill it someday!" I can only assume she's getting so much attention because she happens to be Dakota Fanning's kid sister.

The monster was scarier when we couldn't really see him--I did love the small reflection in the gas puddle early on, though (my friend missed it, so look out for it!) Loved being able to see the actual Super 8 film at the end--too funny!

Overall, I enjoyed myself. The film has its scary moments, and even some gory ones, as well as plenty of comedy and explosions. It does have a Disney-like ending, however, so if you're expecting a bloodbath, you'll be disappointed.

X-Men: First Class

I had high hopes going into this one. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender? YES PLEASE. (You may recall my weird crush on Fassbender from previous posts).

SPOILERS AHOY!


I was a little disappointed, to be honest. Sure, there's decent special effects and action (I sort of loved the sequence where Erik/Magneto goes into the South American bar and causes havok--HAHAHA no pun intended!!), though to be honest, I hated the effect for Emma Frost's "diamond" form--boo! I also didn't like that they had Mystique and Prof. X meet as children and become like...best buddies/brother and sister. What? If my googling skills are up to par, I'm pretty sure that's not at all what happens in the comics. SIGH.

Also, while they did develop a friendship between Magneto and Prof. X (which was bromance at its best), it ended really quickly--I had gotten the impression from the other films (which may or may not have anything to do with this one?? I'm unsure) that they were friends for YEARS and YEARS before having their falling out--I mean, we see them go recruit Jean Grey together as older men, right?

I guess that's where I'm the most confused--does this movie have anything to do with the previous three? I want to say yes, because they harken back to Rebecca Romijn as Mystique, they use the opening bit with Magneto pulling the fence at the ghetto/camp as a teenager, Wolverine makes an appearance--but then other things just don't match up (as mentioned above).

I hate when movies confuse me, so this one gets a B. SO THERE.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Initially, I wasn't sure what this would be like. I saw various reviews of this movie prior to actually watching it, and they seemed to be polar opposites: some people freaking loved it, others hated it and wished Johnny would just quit already. I loved the first Pirates movie (when most critics didn't), but was mainly "meh" about the next two. Would this be better since it had a partially different cast? Would it be worse?

I am here to inform you that it is better. Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush are awesome (as always), Penelope Cruz doesn't suck (it's true!), and Ian McShane is an awesome bad guy. Also, things blow up, there's a hot guy without a shirt on for much of the movie (though, he does not hold a candle to Thor, I'm afraid to say) and there are fucking crazy-awesome mermaids! (And also a small love story, and we all know I'm a sucker for anything even remotely romantic).

I do, however, have two problems: 1) Despite Ian McShane being awesome, I sort of always pictured Blackbeard as being a little more...unbalanced. He had a creepy, calm vibe (which is great), but I would have loved to see him being just a touch more psychotic. 2) The very last scene was dumb.

Yay movies!

Thor

One word to Chris Hemsworth: Hel-lo!

This was not my favorite of the Avengers "series" of movies, but I didn't hate it either. Could've used more shirtless Chris Hemsworth, for sure.

I liked the "earth" parts far more than the "Asgard" parts, because I hate when things are so completely computer generated that they're too perfect. It was beautiful, but also slightly...off. I don't know how to explain it.

However, the fight scenes were excellent, things blew up, and I laughed. Also, it has Ray Stevenson in it, whom I love because he is awesome. I was afraid Natalie Portman would ruin this (not a huge fan of hers), but I actually liked her character, so that's a step in the right direction. Gotta say, though, I loved Kat Dennings (her sidekick) much more.

BATTLE LOS ANGELES

I have fucking had it with filmmakers who make movies about Huge Disasters like alien invasions and catastrophic climate change and meteors smashing into the earth and spend the whole movie focusing on a small group of characters. I want to see wonders of the world getting leveled, panicky mobs, and wholescale destruction. I do not want to spend two hours watching a small group of soldiers carrying out a tiny mission in Santa Monica while all the cool shit is blowing up elsewhere.

That said, Battle Los Angeles has tremendously awesomely cliched dialogue and characters, including One Day from Retirement Guy, Rookie Guy, Guy with Everything to Live for Guy, Black Guy, Guy with Glasses and WWII-Era Communication Backpack Guy (the last two are actually the same guy), Guy with Chip on His Shoulder Guy, Sexy Veterinarian Lady Guy, and Adorable Child in Peril Guy. You can go see it if you want.

Drive Angry SHOT IN 3D!

William Fichtner's performance in this movie is the best thing I've seen in a while. He's basically doing a Nicolas Cage impersonation and it's totally amazing.

The rest of the movie is fine. It makes the right amount of not-sense and Nicolas Cage says "I never disrobe before gunplay" right before KILLING A THOUSAND BAD GUYS while SMOKING A CIGAR and DRINKING JACK DANIELS and oh yeah FUCKING A LADY.

DRIVE ANGRY!

A typical Nicolas Cage movie. Stuff blows up, he has awful hair, the plot is flimsy.

Actually, the best part of this movie is William Fichtner. He is deadpan and awesome.

Knight and Day

I don't know what it is, but somehow I am falling more and more in love with Tom Cruise. Maybe I like crazy, I don't know.

Meanwhile, I rather liked this film. The ending is predictable, but kinda sweet, and Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz make a pretty good comedy duo. That being said, they show pretty much all the good parts in the damn trailer, which makes them less funny/anti-climactic when you're watching the actual film (douche-bag trailer-maker-person), but all in all I liked it. I don't know that I'll ever own it, but we'll see.

If you're unsure based on my review here, I should probably inform you that my mother LOVED this movie, wants to see it again, and has been downloading various songs from the soundtrack. Take that how you will.

ETA: Because I can't spell.

Jonah Hex

I knew nothing about this one going in, except that Megan Fox wears a corset in it that makes her waist look TEENY.

Happily, it actually didn't suck. It came off as quite comic-booky, which is good since it apparently was one. Megan Fox didn't annoy me, and Josh Brolin is always awesome (residual Goonies love).

Also, this movie has one of my celebrity boyfriends in it (though, really, he's only my celebrity boyfriend in his 300 incarnation), as a pretty excellent minion of the main villain (John Malkovich, who is also pretty good, in case you care).

All in all, entertaining, stuff blows up, people die. Yay action films!