The Curious Case of Benjamin's Butthole (Abridged)

Warning! This whole thing is nothing but spoilers!

Old Daisy: I am dying or whatever. Daughter, read Benjamin Button's diary out loud to me.

Daughter: OK.

Benjamin: I am a digital old man/child! I age backwards!

Young Daisy: I am an insufferable twat!

Tugboat Captain: I am totally fucking awesome! Oh no, now I'm dead!

Benjamin: I now look like a creepy college professor. I don't talk much and am pretty boring.

Tilda Swinton: I have no eyebrows. Your boringness intrigues me.

[sex break!]

Benjamin: I am now considerably younger, and much, much more boring. I love you, Daisy.

Young Daisy: I'm slightly less annoying than before, but not much. I love you, Benjamin.

[sex break!]

Young Daisy: I'm pregnant! I fell down the stairs, but the baby came out okay! It's a girl!

Daughter: What the fuck?

Old Daisy: Oh yeah, this weird backward-aging guy was your dad. I could have just told you here on my deathbed, but I thought it would be funnier to make you read it out loud.

[Old Daisy DIES.]

Me: BOOOOOOOOOO!

Short Movie Review: Quantum of Solace

If I ever see Daniel Craig in real life, I am going to aggressively molest him in a most obscene manner. I hope he's not in a church when I spot him.

I had one major problem with this movie: NOT ENOUGH NUDITY.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

This was a big loud boring mess and at the end it just turned into Sahara.