Intro

Specializing in short, honest movie reviews.

January 26, 2009

Spongebob Millionaire

I liked Slumdog Millionaire all right. It was basically just Trainspotting in India, only not as good and thankgodfully free of horrible rotating-headed dead babies that crawl across the ceiling towards me AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. That is seriously one of the few movie scenes I cannot bear to watch. At all. I will watch Ewan McGregor diving into a toilet one million times before I will watch the terrifying Trainspotting baby again. That thing scared the holy hell out of me.

Anyway, regarding Slumdog Millionaire, I'm not sure what all the awards fuss is about. It's a decent movie, slow in parts, with a teeth-grindingly one-dimensional female character. She might as well have been a blow-up doll with a bindi. The movie is saved mostly by its child actors, who are totally fucking adorable. There's a sentence I've never written before. I hereby float the theory that non-American child actors are less annoying than American ones.

SPEAKing of comparing things, Slumdog Millionaire isn't that great a movie, but it's about a slumdog million times better than Benjamin Butthole. The Oscars are usually a pretty big joke, but this year, hoo boy. Someone let Mickey Rooney into the nominations room again.

January 22, 2009

Milk

Milk is really an extremely good movie. I don't have anything critical to say about it.

OK, that's not true. One thing. Sean Penn as gregarious gay New Yorker Harvey Milk sounds an awful lot like Sean Penn going full retard in I Am Sam. But you'll get past that. It's a fine film.

January 7, 2009

CC: Yes Man

Ah Jim Carrey. You look so old these days. But you're still funny!

Good and Plenty:
~Bradley Cooper. Hello. I know I've seen you somewhere before, but can't remember where. You're rather handsome. Please call me.
~I didn't realize this movie actually took place in L.A. until a scene where Jim Carrey goes to Spaceland. Where my friend's brother's girlfriend totally used to work! Which makes me sad, for being so naive, but also super excited! I recognized the ATM by the front door! WHEE!
~I loved the interaction between Carl (Jim) and his boss.
~On that note, the guy who played his boss (Rhys Darby) was awesome. I don't think I've seen him anywhere before, but he was hilarious.

Sour Patch Kids:
~One particular scene, which I won't spoil for you but which Lady Blogpants totally guessed, made me totally squirm.
~Got a little tired near the end.
~Zooey Deschanel, who I actually like, DOES really look like Katy Perry. And in this movie, her character sings. This wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't gone on FOREVER.