Intro

Specializing in short, honest movie reviews.

July 21, 2009

HARRY POTTAH

Ginny Weasley is the most boring, expressionless character THIS reviewer has seen since that monotonette from Twilight. That works out, though, since Harry Potter is basically a British Flat Stanley.

THAT'S RIGHT I'M DOWN WITH KIDS I KNOW WHAT FLAT STANLEY IS! TAKE THAT, KINDERGARDENERS OF AMERICA!

Ha ha, I originally typed "kindergartenders" and then had a hilarious vision of 5-year-olds mixing my drinks at the hipster bar I went to last night. Can you IMAGINE the hijinx that would ensue?

Anyway, Hermione is a decent actor and although Ron Weasley only has one facial expression ("about to puke"), he's more or less mastered it. But Harry, my goodness. No. Luckily for these child actors, Jim Broadbent showed up in this movie and awesomed it up pretty good. I really like that guy.

July 19, 2009

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Not my favorite of the Potter films, but not too bad. Was pleasantly surprised with Rupert Grint's facial expression as Ron overcame the effects of the love potion. Was not pleasantly surprised with the Harry/Ginny kiss (spoiler alert)! Zzzz.

Thought the end with Snape should have been more dramatic, though I spose we all know why it wasn't.

Lots of funny moments, but I also spotted several moments when I thought things were either edited weirdly, or the dialogue was lacking. C'mon Hollywood, step it up.

I don't have a lot to say about this, which is sad.

July 7, 2009

How to Ruin a Seemingly Unruinable Movie

Take an iconic Depression-era bank robber.

Remove all items of interest from his story.

Add dialogue so horrible even Johnny Depp can't save it.

Also, add Batman. But not the cool Batman. Just the frowny actor who plays him.

Fuck you, Public Enemies.

July 3, 2009

Movies I Don't Want To See: G-Force.

Okay, so we all know by now that I'm the kid-movie junkie that loves animated features and iCarly on Nickelodeon (or...maybe you didn't know that last bit, but its true. That show is funny, yo). I am apparently a 12 year old in a 27 year old's body.

But this G-Force thing? OMG you guys.

It makes me ashamed to have ever been even remotely associated with Disney. Srsly. What were/are they thinking?

Besides the obvious stupidity and ridiculousness, I was annoyed that the preview talks about a secret government organization of animals, and yet all the main animals in the movie are guinea pigs (and a hamster (?) and a fly? What?). Dude. Where's the dog? The bunny, even? (I am aware that Disney hates cats). The witty and lovable goldfish?? ARGH. Where's the horse kicking ass and taking names?

For shame, Disney. FOR SHAME.