Warning! This whole thing is nothing but spoilers!
Old Daisy: I am dying or whatever. Daughter, read Benjamin Button's diary out loud to me.
Daughter: OK.
Benjamin: I am a digital old man/child! I age backwards!
Young Daisy: I am an insufferable twat!
Tugboat Captain: I am totally fucking awesome! Oh no, now I'm dead!
Benjamin: I now look like a creepy college professor. I don't talk much and am pretty boring.
Tilda Swinton: I have no eyebrows. Your boringness intrigues me.
[sex break!]
Benjamin: I am now considerably younger, and much, much more boring. I love you, Daisy.
Young Daisy: I'm slightly less annoying than before, but not much. I love you, Benjamin.
[sex break!]
Young Daisy: I'm pregnant! I fell down the stairs, but the baby came out okay! It's a girl!
Daughter: What the fuck?
Old Daisy: Oh yeah, this weird backward-aging guy was your dad. I could have just told you here on my deathbed, but I thought it would be funnier to make you read it out loud.
[Old Daisy DIES.]
Me: BOOOOOOOOOO!
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