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Specializing in short, honest movie reviews.

December 7, 2012

Skyfall

This movie was okay, but it was too long and needed a better edit. You know what audiences don't want to see? James Bond, his fake mom, and another old guy (who we've just been introduced to and are supposed to instantly care about) prepping a Scottish mansion to hold off a siege IN REAL TIME. "I say, old chap, have you any more AAA batteries for me to put in this lantern, for use during the siege?" "Certainly, my boy, they're in the third drawer down in the kitchen." "This one?" "No, no, to the left." "Oh okay. Now, are these AAAs or AAs?" "I believe I have both. They're all mixed up in that plastic bag, you'll have to sort through it." "Blimey." And then for all that prep work, when the bad guy comes in a helicopter and just blasts the shit out of the house, Bond is all OH SHIT A HELICOPTER? WE DIDN'T PREPARE FOR THAT! Worst secret agent ever.

You know what else audiences don't want to see? A bunch of shitty CGI effects, especially after they've seen a really good actual-person fight sequence or actual-car car chase. Take a look at that fucking komodo dragon in that casino scene. It's awful. Fuck you.

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