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Specializing in short, honest movie reviews.

April 26, 2011

How to Bore Even the Most Hard-Core Oregon Trail History Nerd to Fucking Death

1. Get her all excited by choosing a real historical thing (a trail cutoff) with some real historical characters (the titular Meek), and then do a good job with authentic costumes and props--this will help her get past the fact that an emigrant party of only three wagons in 1845? PLEASE. SERIOUSLY.

2. Make sure nothing interesting happens. At all. They find an Indian and then a wagon falls over.

3. Also make sure the music is boring as fuck so the movie doesn't even work as a scenic movie to have on in the background on Saturday movie.

All that said, I didn't hate Meek's Cutoff. The locations are very pretty and made me miss the Great Basin. The one pioneer lady who isn't Michelle Williams or Moaning Myrtle gives perhaps the worst performance I've ever seen, so that's pretty entertaining. And no one can deny there is ample calico.

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