Observe and Report!

Holy crap this is a good movie. I haven't liked a movie this much in a while. Every time it could sell out and get schmaltzy or over-the-top wacky, it pulls back and then ratchets the awesome up another level. I want to take this movie to the county fair, buy it all the funnelcake it can eat, and win it all the giant stuffed animals and "Appetite for Destruction" painted mirrors.

Adventureland: It's not as fun as you would think.

The preview for this movie made it out to be all silly teenage comedy, fart jokes and nut-punching and the like. In reality, this movie is a painful but sincere coming-of-age story with a heavy dose of nostalgia; there is a good deal of nut-punching, but it‘s tastefully done.

The main character, James, has just graduated from college in Pittsburgh in the mid-1980s and planned on spending his summer touring Europe, but due to Those Tough Economic Times (as opposed, obviously, to These Tough Economic Times), he must instead get a summer job. Turns out all he’s qualified to do is work at a run-down amusement park, where the main qualification seems to be wearing a park t-shirt and not giving away giant-ass pandas, even at knifepoint. Of course, over the summer he falls in love with a girl, fucks it up, but then gets her back. Oh, spoiler alert (in case you’re that person who’s NEVER EVER seen a movie before and didn’t figure this out in the first 5 minutes).

Blah blah blah, that’s the predictable part. The part I didn’t expect is how the flawed characters and semi-tragic situations evoked an overwhelming sense of nostalgia about similar events in my own past. Maybe it helps that I actually did spend one of the worst summers of my life working at an amusement park (I made $3.35 an hour!), but Tilt-A-Whirl experience is not necessary to get something out of the movie. It’s hard not to watch James and his friends being underwhelmed by the paths their lives have taken and not remember when you first started to realize that what you were told in grade school is not true - anybody can’t be president, after all.

I resent this movie for making me think about all the stupid shit in my long-ago youth that I wish I hadn't done.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (DVD review)

So, I was kind of exited about this movie, being that I am and was reared by a giant nerd (hi dad!)

It had some pretty awesome special effects, and for once Keanu Reeves mannequin-like performance worked for his character (he was actually, dare I say it, CREEPY). I did like that there was a bit of a "biological" twist--though I would rather have seen Gort stomping about destroying everything, and zapping people with his laser. I also appreciated that there was actually a part where the earth did, in fact, stand still!

However, THEY NEVER SAID THE FAMOUS LINE!* "Klaatu barada nikto!" One of the most famous nerd lines ever! (behind "May the Force be with you," of course). DUDES.

When the credits began rolling, my brother, father and I just sat there and looked at each other in stoic silence. My nerd spirit has been broken.


*There is a part, when Klaatu first comes off the ship and Gort comes to his rescue, where he MIGHT say "barada nikto!" but its not very intelligible and therefore, doesn't count.

Twilight: A DVD movie review!

Oh boy this was great. The whole movie looked like Twilight had already come out and this was a parody of it. I pretty much burst out laughing everytime there was a dramatic slow motion vampire entrance shot. I also liked how the vampire makeup was just white cream smeared on their faces. Not their necks or anyplace else, just their faces. Also I couldn't get over how weird looking Robert Pattinson is. He has cartoon hair, a weird shaped forehead and needs to take a crap. He pretty much spends the whole movie looking like he's either in pain or getting hit with overpowering waves of gayness. I also liked how they constantly show the rest of the guys in the high school as immature. They're hyper and run around acting like you should act in high school (how childish to act your age!). The main girl can't relate to them because we all know that sitting around brooding or laying in a forest staring at a guy is way more fun and adultlike. God laying in a forest would suck. You would totally get your butt wet and there would be bugs all over the place. Also I can't think of anything more boring than staring at someone. Oh wait yes I can: Twilight!

The best part was when suddenly out of nowhere they play VAMPIRE BASEBALL!!! What is that you ask? Oh. It's where vampires play fucking baseball! In baseball outfits. My other favorite scene is when he throws the girl on his back and runs up the hill and his legs move all fast motion comedy style like in Baron Munchausen.

Also the main vampire dad guy should have been played by Matthew McConaughey.