Disneydisneydisneydisney

I've been informed that I'm a giant slacker, but in all fairness to me, all the movies I've seen in the theater recently have not been new.

That's right, kids. I'm talking about Beauty and the Beast 3D. And Lion King before that. (Okay, yes, I did see Sherlock 2---maybe I'll get to that in a minute. If you're lucky.)

Sooooo, Disney 3D. I think I've whined about 3D on this blog before, and I still think its dumb because my brain and eyeballs get so used to it after about 10 minutes that I don't even realize I'm watching 3D anymore. However, seeing movies I saw as a kid up on the big screen again is FREAKING AWESOME.

I remember no spectacular 3D moments from Lion King, but the opening bit of Beauty and the Beast was pretty cool (where it cuts through the forest to the castle).

I wish they could make these 3D things as awesome as the 3D in the Disney Parks--where things actually look like they're flying out at you? And also maybe with the special effects (wind/water spraying, smells, etc.) How fucking rad would that be?

Tinker Tailor Soldier TOAST

I had a very well-thought out, high-minded review planned for this very well-thought out, high-minded movie, but I wasted my day's allotment of brain cells trying to come up with a clever title for this review. Now all I can think about is the really loud toast scene. Holy crap, this movie has the loudest toast! Think about the loudest toast you have ever buttered and/or eaten, and then multiply it by about a billion. That would come somewhat close to being as loud as the toast in this movie.

That's the deal with this movie. It bombards you with overwhelming detail, within which the important pieces of the movie are subtly interwoven... nope, can't do it. Still thinking about toast.

Lady Blogpants' Top Five of 2011!

THE BEST FIVE MOVIES OF 2011: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! (Probably actually not, since we're three weeks into 2012) (Also, I haven't seen The Artist yet, so there may be a revision to this list next week)

5. Trollhunter
A fine Norwegian movie about a guy who looks like my dad and also hunts trolls.

4. Young Adult
An excellent Patton Oswalt vehicle with one predictable plot flaw.

3. Bridesmaids
A solid comedyfilm with lots of laffs, needing only a tighter edit to be a true classic.

2. The Guard
An excuse for Brendan Gleeson to be totally rad. Keep an eye out for the buddy cop movie I'm writing for Brendan Gleeson and Liam Neeson. Not sure what to title it.

1. Attack the Block
HOLY SHIT ATTACK THE BLOCK!!!

Warrior!

I can't believe Lady Blogpants hated this movie, but I think it has to do with how she also overlooks the awesomeness of MMA fights on tv, which are unarguably awesome. Really fit, sweaty, scantily clad dudes pounding on each other purely for my viewing enjoyment. I don't see what's not to like. I will concede that this movie would have benefited from less dialog.

Sherlock Holmes 2: Book of Secrets

I have no idea what happened in this movie. There was a lot of mumbling and CGI things flying around but that's all I could figure out. I don't even have the energy to be mad at this thing, that's how dumb it was. Plus I just watched the first episode of Season 2 of the new BBC Sherlock series, and it's so many millions of times better than Sherlock Holmes 2: On Stranger Tides that I'm just going to pretend the movie never happened. Ahhh.

Mission Improbable 4

I was on board with this entertaining cartoon for the first 90 minutes, but it continued for at least another 30 minutes after that, so I got real small and crawled into my empty popcorn bag for a nap.

I miss Jim Henson

The first act of The Muppets is completely fucking amazing. It kind of winds down from there, with some way-too-slow parts, far more Amy Adams acting precious than is absolutely necessary, and a strange, unsatisfying ending. As my friend Courtney pointed out, it felt like a movie that had been meddled with by producers way too much. Jim Henson is sorely missed, and Disney can go fuck itself. But it's still a Muppet movie, and when the theme song from The Muppet Show started playing I got VERY excited, so I recommend this thing for your eyeballs.