Thank God for outsourcing

Short Movie Review: Law Abiding Citizen

They say great movies, like great literature, teach you something about yourself. I don't know if I'd call this movie great, but I do know that I learned something very disappointing about myself: Despite the fact that I sometimes have fantasies about torturing people who have done bad things to me, apparently I would not be able to conduct the actual procedure myself, judging from my inability to even make myself watch movie character torture.

Michael Jackson: THIS IS IT

That was it?

Just kidding, just kidding! Despite the mixed reviews this film got, I actually really enjoyed it. It made me very sad that I would never be able to see Michael preform, though. God, he was amazing. His movements (especially arms/hands) reminded me a lot of Fred Astaire. Also, how rad were his backup dancers? Yowza.

My mother joined me for the viewing, and when it was over asked me if I thought it was weird they never really showed him interacting with anyone (which I didn't think was really true), but my take on it was that they were trying more to show what his tour show was supposed to have been like. Which would have been fucking awesome, in case you were wondering.

Also, I want to learn the Thriller dance.

Clooney + Goats? YES PLEASE!

When I found out there was a movie starring Clooney, goats, Jeff Bridges, and the oft-naked* Ewan McGregor, I penciled it into my calendrical filofax--with a PEN. And I am happy to report "The Men Who Stare at Goats" does not disappoint. Well, that's not entirely true--the first half hour mostly disappoints, but if you can hold on until Jeff Bridges shows up, you will be delighted for the remainder of the movie.

Don't believe the bad reviews--they were written by dumb people. This movie has flashbacks, goats, lots of Jedi metajokes, and dancing mustachioed Clooney, and apparently is mostly a true story. One and a half thumbs upward! (The half thumb deduction is for the slow start).


*I'm talking full frontal ding dong naked. Not in this movie, unfortunately.

Zombieland!

There's not much I can say that Lady Blogpants didn't already say in her short, yet succinct, review of this movie.

It is awesome. Go see it. That is all.

My only minor disappointment was that I was informed that it had the "best cameo of all time" and I disagree. The person in question is indeed awesome, but I don't know if I agree that they're the most awesome "cameo of all time." Sorry.

(However, dressing up as a zombie is almost as awesome as this movie! God, I love Halloween time.)

HOLY CRAP ZOMBIELAND!

Faithful readers, I implore you: run, don't walk, to see Zombieland right now. This movie is ten thousand kinds of awesome.

The Informant!

I didn't put the exclamation point on there because I was all excited about this movie. It's actually in the title. The music provides most of the punchlines, and that's something I hadn't really seen done well before, so hooray for Marvin Hamlisch. I was never angry or bored during The Informant!. So if you want to take that as a recommendation, fine. It's a free country.

I did spend much of the movie thinking about what a big deal Matt Damon made about gaining a million pounds so he could be Fat Damon for the role, and how he didn't even look very fat. I call bullshit.

Oh man, Zombieland comes out this weekend!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

This one is pretty cute, and fairly funny. My only major complaint is that the jokes are repeated so much that they start to get old. The idea is super cute, and the voice actors are superb (the fact that I love Bruce Campbell has no influence on my opinion whatsoever). Ahem. I recommend seeing this if you're in the mood for something light and funny, but only if you pay the matinee price. Otherwise wait for the DVD.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (DVD Review)

This movie is super good. The end is depressing, as I'm guessing you would imagine, but its depressing in a way you will NEVER EVER GUESS.

Seeing the holocaust through German eyes (both sympathetic to the Jewish people, and not) was super interesting and new.

RENT THIS NOW. But have a box of tissues nearby.

P.S. Keira Knightley's boyfriend (aka: the guy that could be Orlando Bloom's brother) is scary as hell in this movie. I knew I never liked Mr. Wickham.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets (DVD Review)

....

Okay, don't get me wrong. I love a good puzzle-solving, scavenger hunt type movie, and I really liked the first National Treasure, but I have several issues with this one. I enjoyed everything, even, until they went to Mount Rushmore. But then things got a little out of hand. The archaeologist/historian in me went batshit insane.

I was going to type my actual thoughts and grumbles here, but decided in the end to spare you all. I assure you, however, those ramblings involved the words, "fucking insane"; "insulting"; and "HELLS TO THE NO". None of the writers did any kind of research including, but no limited to, actual HISTORY. Douchebags. (I know its just a movie, but while you can fudge the date a little of when the HMS Resolute was decommissioned, its a little different to supplant an entire ancient culture...but I digress).

But the first part was fun! And I love Riley. THE END.

P.S. The Olmecs had nothing to do with fucking Mount Rushmore. MEXICO, people. Assholes. (the writers, not the Olmecs).

Random smattering of reviews from some older movies I've watched lately

Due to lack of anything decent being in the theaters (imho), and my lack of being in a town with a movie theater anyway, I've become addicted to the previously unnamed-movie-rental-through-the-mail's latest and greatest idea: Watch movies on your computer!

Dudes.

While adding movies to my queue recently, I noticed that I could play some of them and decided to try it out. IT IS AMAZING.*

Here are a couple of of the most recent movies I've watched and my thoughts, since I can't bring you reviews any other way at the moment:

The Other Boleyn Girl
~Scarlett Johansson=awesome.
~Natalie Portman=awesome, because I hated her character.
~Eric Bana=hot.
~I imagine the book is 20 times better than this movie, and therefore I want to read it.
~I didn't love or hate this movie. I'm neutral about it. The costumes were pretty!

Interview with the Vampire
~Tom Cruise before he was crazy! I think? It's hard to say.
~Aw, how precious was little Kirsten Dunst?
~Holy shit, Brad Pitt was fucking hot. I did not appreciate it at the time this movie came out (when I was 12/13).


*I should note that I have a 22" widescreen monitor (yes, I have a gaming addiction), which means my computer screen is bigger than my actual TV. Sad, yet true! So your viewing experience may vary.